Thursday, 25 April 2013

A Bit of an Update!



Update. There is so much to tell you, I'll have to bullet point it all.

1. Started Slimming World in Jan 2012 starting weight 19st 13lbs - now down to 14st 9 1/2lbs so far. My goal is to get down to 10st and see where I go from there.

2. Had a crap winter as I hit a brick wall after doing too much but had a fab year of seeing Mr Ben Miller a further two times, once at the BBC for the Filming of Room 101 (no photos allowed by Aunty Beeb) and again for a gig at The 100 Club where Ben and Danny John-Jules were taking part in an event called 'Karaoke Circus', travelling to Canada to see friends and also achieved a 41 year ambition of having my photo taken with William Shatner at a huge Star Trek event!

3. Algy continues to grow. I've been offered a referral for radiotherapy at Derriford Hospital in Nov/Dec or to the Royal Marsden Hospital in London (Chelsea) who might be able to fry Algy sooner. I've asked for the Royal Marsden as I can stay with a friend in London.

4. Have been told Algy is inoperable so the above treatment the only option with the intent of stopping him growing.

5. Made some *excellent* friends on twitter called #BensBabes,. You know who you all are! Plus Mr Miller has been *very* kind in lending his support with a couple of Brain Tumour Awareness days such as

 Wear Grey in Oct 2012 and Bandana Day March 1st 2013. Danny John-Jules (Cat from Red Dwarf) lent his support too, as did did so many friends!!!

6. Still breathing, still upright, still here!

Tuesday, 18 December 2012

The Passing of a Beloved Old Friend...

Something that has been rolling around the 'net and elsewhere for a while, but bears repeating here.

"Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as: Knowing when to come in out of the rain; Why the early bird gets the worm; Life isn’t always fair; and maybe it was my fa
ult.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights
I Want It Now
Someone Else Is To Blame
I’m A Victim

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing."

'Nuff said!

Wednesday, 14 November 2012

When is a Cancer not Cancer? Or is it also 'Benign' ?.

Interesting debate on the net - should all brain tumours be considered and called 'cancer'?  Even the low grade ones? The moniker 'brain tumour' rather than 'brain cancer' doesn't always indicate that whatever tumour one has in the skull, it can still be potentially fatal. My problem is mine is 'Grade 1' and so far non-malignant, so should I call it 'cancer'? Opinion is divided, that cancer is an emotive word and in respect to brain tumours, public opinion would have it that you're automatically dead! But then public reaction to the word 'cancer' can seem that way with any form, despite curative treatment and  increased survivability with some.

The other opinion is of course that any brain tumour no matter how slow growing, is cancerous and the word 'benign' is a misnomer. Cancer to me is where the growth of mutated tissue invades and changes the nature of the affected organ/body part cells by spreading within it. Benign is where the tumour remains in its own space but pressing against against the organ/body part, with the possibility of impnging surrounding tissue as opposed to invading it. Both scenarios are not good with fatality often being the end result with most if not treated, no matter how long term or slow that growth may be.

If opinions are correct about all brain tumours being 'cancerous' then certainly Algy by the very fact that he is growing could be considered a 'cancer'. In any event, within the skull and spine, tumours are even more damaging as there is no room for expansion and therefore tissue damage is greater what ever the level of aggression and invasion/impingement.

A sobering thought!

A link to a defintion of benign brain tumours. http://www.medicinenet.com/brain_tumor_symptoms/views.htm

Friday, 17 August 2012

Men and Hair Remover!

Going totally off topic again. This had me in hysterics! Swiped from a post over at facebook. It's apparently feedback from a gentleman who had used Veet (formally Immac) gel around his nethers! Warning! Some graphic description of the peri-anal area and genitalia involved...LOL!!!

"After having been told my danglies looked like an elderly rastafarian I decided to take the plunge and buy some of this as previous shaving attempts had only been mildly succesful and I nearly put my back out trying to reach the more difficult bits. Being a bit of a romantic I thought I would do the deed on the missus's birthday as a bit of a treat.

 I ordered it well in advance and working in the North sea I considerd myself a bit above some of the characters writing the previous reviews and wrote them off as soft office types...oh my fellow sufferers how wrong I was. I waited until the other half was tucked up in bed and after giving some vague hints about a special surprise I went down to the bathroom. Initially all went well and I applied the gel and stood waiting for something to happen.

I didn't have long to wait.

At first there was a gentle warmth which in a matter of seconds was replaced by an intense burning and a feeling I can only describe as like being given a barbed wire wedgie by two people intent on hitting the ceiling with my head. Religion hadn't featured much in my life until that night but I suddenly became willing to convert to any religion to stop the violent burning around the turd tunnel and what seemed like the destruction of the meat and two veg. Struggling to not bite through my bottom lip I tried to wash the gel of in the sink and only succeeded in blocking the plughole with a mat of hair. Through the haze of tears I struggled out of the bathroom across the hall into the kitchen by this time walking was not really possible and I crawled the final yard to the fridge in the hope of some form of cold relief. I yanked the freezer drawer out and found a tub of ice cream, tore the lid of and positioned it under me. The relief was fantastic but only temporary as it melted fairly quickly and the fiery stabbing soon returned.

 Due to the shape of the ice cream tub I hadn't managed to give the starfish any treatment and I groped around in the draw for something else as I was sure my vision was going to fail fairly soon.I grabbed a bag of what I later found out was frozen sprouts and tore it open trying to be quiet as I did so.I took a handful of them and tried in vain to clench some between the cheeks of my arse. This was not doing the trick as some of the gel had found it's way up the chutney channel and it felt like the space shuttle was running it's engines behind me.

 This was probably and hopefully the only time in my life I was going to wish there was a gay snowman in the kitchen which should give you some idea of the depths I was willing to sink to in order to ease the pain. The only solution my pain crazed mind could come up with was to gently ease one of the sprouts where no veg had gone before.

 Unfortunately, alerted by the strange grunts coming from the kitchen the other half chose that moment to come and investigate and was greeted by the sight of me, arse in the air, strawberry ice cream dripping from my bell end pushing a sprout up my arse while muttering..." Ooooh that feels good ". Understandably this was a shock to her and she let out a scream and as I hadn't heard her come in it caused an involutary spasm of shock in myself which resulted in the sprout being ejected at quite some speed in her direction. I can understand that having a sprout farted against your leg at 11 at night in the kitchen probably wasn't the special surprise she was expecting and having to explain to the kids the next day what the strange hollow in the ice cream was didn't improve my status...So to sum it up Veet removes hair, dignity and self respect...:)"


Bloody priceless!!!!!!!

Monday, 6 August 2012

Coming back down to Earth with a deadly crash.

Things are a little rough at the minute, part of which resulted in my completely and utterly loosing it last Thursday, blowing my top and marching out of the house, well as best as one could with a walking stick, and heading north for a few days . Dave and I are both stressed out, tired, frustrated not so much with each other but with the demands made upon his time, and not enough on mine because I can't *DO* anything due of 'health 'n safety', getting fatigued easily etc.

What tipped the balance was some stupid drunk/drugged up female we don't know from Adam, starting to kick our back gate in last week. Dave and a friend of his were trying to stop her and push her back out (she had some gormless boyfriend who seems to be part of a bunch of idiots who like to gather in our back alley, looking on). I heard the commotion, utterly and completely blew my top, shoved Dave and his friend away so hard they fell over and almost punched the said female out of the doorway. I lost the plot some more and bolted. I've had 4 reasonable days up in Plymouth but am still feeling like I want to kill someone and with Dave considering going back on anti depressants. I'm considering getting some too. In any event what is needed is for Dave and myself to spend more *QUALITY* time together and try not to let the demands of other people/internet to get in the way.

Penzance can and is a lovely place to live in terms of community, we produce gold medal winners for a start, but I am oh SO fed up of the drunks/druggies who spend part of the time in stupid land and the other part kicking, stealing and destroying other people's properties and lives because they can and do get away with it. One thing is for sure, I have one helluva much shorter fuse than I used to and frustration is fast becoming my middle name!

Sunday, 22 July 2012

Fangirly Special: Meeting Ben Miller!

Now as some of you will know, the actor, comedian, musician and writer Ben Miller was once a fledgling graduate physicist, studying Coulomb blockades and quantum dots at St Catherine's College, Cambridge. During this time, he had to make a tough decision which would would change his life, and that was to leave the esteemed Cavendish Laboratories for the uncertain bright lights of comedy.

Nearly 20 years later he's written a book about his passion. Not yer usual 'sleb' tome, but that of a person who has never lost his love of science, being always keen to follow the discoveries and mysteries of the scientific world. The book is called 'It's Not Rocket Science' and looks at the bigger topics such as climate change, astronomy, Higgs Bosons etc. He seeks to explain concepts and ideas that most of us not blessed with a scientific and academic brain, would very likely avoid out of the idea it would be boring and too hard to understand.

I love what I have read so far, although having to do so slowly while really, really wishing that there was someone like Ben around when I was younger, to inspire and encourage me on further to achieve my dream of studying the oceans. That passion and enthusiasm came across very much during his interview and talk at the Royal Institute last night (19.7.2012 7pm - 8.30pm). This was to launch his book, the aim of which is to introduce the curious at the amateur level to the joy of science (I think that was a working title in the beginning!), to make it accessible. I agree with him when he says that science SHOULD be accessible to all. For example, it's not a good thing to stream children either to arts/humanities or science only, at such a young age and have the potential to enjoy both at any level denied them.

Reading about the Sagittarius A star black hole in the centre of our galaxy, or climate change has to be digested slowly, but is an eye opener for the likes of me, who could only fantasize about science without really being able to feel a part of it so to speak. Feeling a bit like the child who would be forced to watch a feast from a distance, but not be encouraged to be a part of because of my unworthy lack of scientific intelligence. What Ben has done is to open up that wonder again, not by handing science on a plate so to speak, but to encourage you on the journey where although sometimes a concept can seem too big (or small in the case of quantum mechanics) to grasp, he does demonstrate that if you have the admiration and desire to learn even only at the most basic level, you can and do have the intelligence to work things through and take delight in that.

Ben does this by a fantastic teaching method using humorous comparisons and analogies and I seriously think does a better job of it than Prof. Brian Cox! Anyway, rather than my continuing to gush about the book, why not go out and buy it for yourself. £12.99 for the paperback version and about £16.99 as a download via Audible, but you'll need their player. It'll be worth it!

What I found with Ben Miller is delightful! I had known about his role as James Lester in 'Primeval' and his being a comedy partner of Alexander Armstrong, who currently presents 'Pointless' on the BBC. I vaguely remember Ben's dyed blond hair when he was younger, although I must confess I prefer his natural brown locks. But in all, Ben has a great range of talents, including being also a musician, but we don't get to see that side of him as much, which is sad.

He's played everything so far from a being a comedian, to a scientist, pen pushing civil servant, psychotic National Trust ranger, evil wife killing doctor, a gay actor amongst many roles, and more recently a displaced disgruntled detective who is finding he does have a heart after all. He even produced and directed his first feature film, 'Huge' in 2009 and has directed and written for television in the past. He can be both funny and poignant on screen and his range no doubt, hasn't reached it's limits yet. All to be discovered I guess as time goes on. But what is very apparent is that he is an openly generous, friendly, enthusiastic, sensitive soul who appears to take great delight in new challenges and the world around him.

Anyway, I decided some time ago to make the effort to see Ben in person, as the best measure of a talent is to see them live. I have done this with actors Geraint Wyn Davies and William Gaunt, having seen both on stage and meeting them afterwards. Both of those gents were generous with their time and very sweet, one almost on 'friends' terms and hoping to meet up when I get the chance to head back over to Ontario. I think most actors are polite and enthusiastic, especially if you make an effort to thank them for their work. I had been too ill over the winter to see Ben in 'Ladykillers', so when I found out he would be giving a talk at the Royal Institute in London, I leaped at the chance to go.

I need to explain that now I have a huge amount of spare time on my hands, I have also become addicted to Twitter and on there have met some great gals, who are fans of Ben and we have given ourselves the hash tag of #BensBabes! I became all 'fangirly' about his work after I had 'clicked' with his character DI Richard Poole in Robert Thorogood's 'Death in Paradise' shown on BBC 1 in October of 2011.  When an actor and their character 'click' with me, I get obsessed and research that person's previous work as far as possible to get a broader view of their talent, and I will confess also to sate my 'fangirly' thrill!

After a twitter session, one of us came up with the idea that if any of us should catch up with him, we should give him a gift as an appreciation and a 'thank you' from all of us for his work. So decided on a recipe book, as it is rumoured that Ben is quite the cook, although he would tell you differently. After much emailing, suggestions, trawling the internet as well as some of our own recipes, I got to work on compiling the booklet so one of us could hand it over to Ben, should one of us be lucky enough to meet him in person. So the RI talk was the perfect opportunity to do this.

I had arranged to meet up another 'BensBabe' called Claire for the day. I was supposed to have another friend with me but sadly she became ill at the last minute and could not attend. Claire is great company and was a reassuring companion in case Algy kicked off, which he nearly did once or twice! We met up, had lunch  at the RI (I'm bloody well BUYING lunch next time Claire!) and had an initial look round the Faraday Museum, including the hilarious Periodic Table display, the idea of which is to hit the lighted elements, in time to an adaption of the Gilbert and Sullivan song 'Modern Major General', from of all things, 'The Pirates of Penzance' (I knew Cornwall would have to come in to this somewhere!)! However the music was using all of the periodic table as lyrics. I had heard this some time ago when we had the surviving members of the 'Bonzo Dog Doodah Band' - sans Neil Innes - play at a theatre in Penzance, that I am a trustee of*. It was great fun and we decided to come back later for more!

After that, Claire and I spent a little time wandering around the streets staring at and discussing the hugely expensive bling on offer in the shop windows. It was fun comparing said bling (some as cheap as £30k!) with our tastes. Most were lovely but the others a little too 'Katie Price' in design. But you would agree that a hair dresser and a knackered retired RGN would not be buying *any* of the bling soon! Mind you, if our other halves win the lottery, that would be a different matter altogether! Still we were brave enough to have a wander around Tiffany's as well, which was nice, but not nearly as big as their New York parent shop, from which I had purchased a present for my parents when they moved home some years before.

We returned to the RI, biding our time again by playing with the Periodic table and having a fit of the giggles, before returning upstairs to await curtain up, so to speak!

Right, on to the event itself before I lose the details.

The interior of the lecture hall  has been refurbished. Gone are the wooden seats of my youth, and in their place are plush theatre type seats. The stairs though are as steep as ever! I had asked if it would be ok to go in ahead of time as I couldn't guarantee I could get up the steps so well. That was ok but the crowds came up early so we had to get in to the head of the queue quickly. We were able to get in the first row to the left of the staging area, tucking ourselves in the end of the row by an exit. I got comfortable and rummaged about with bags, sticks and what have you, securing them, or so I thought!

 A brief introduction was give by the fabulously calm Olympia Brown, RI person who was Ben's assistant for the day, including helping him during an appearance on 'This Morning' earlier, where presenter Eamon Holmes was delivered of 50k volts, through a Van De Graff generator as part of some experiments Ben was showing at the time! With Ben was journalist Roger Highfield who would be 'interviewing' Ben as well as helping him keep on track.

Ben talked about his early days, from being extremely lucky to have a maths teacher who knew how to fire the enthusiasm of his pupils (something I never had. Lower stream idiots like me were often told to 'go away'.) which carried on throughout Ben's educational years. I think Ben tends to play down his abilities a bit because I know one usually cannot get anywhere NEAR a Cambridge college unless bordering on being gifted. His family were of great influence as well, encouraging a mix of arts and science appreciation through Ben's formative years. I think I am correct in saying Ben is the oldest of 3 children, with two younger sisters. Although raised in Nantwich, Cheshire, Ben was actually born at St. Bart's in London. Hell Ben, you might have even been delivered by one of my Midwifery tutors who would have been there at the time! :D

The only sad bit that did bring a lump to my throat was Ben telling the audience that his father had died the year before. One could only imagine what that must have been like for him, since it is well known Ben has been through some huge personal changes in his life over the previous couple of years, including having to work away from home for 6 months filming 'Death in Paradise' in Guadeloupe through 2011, and then with the birth of his youngest son in December 2011. I think my heart went out to all of them at that point.

It seems Ben's passion for science has never left him and he comes across as the sort of person who is interested in EVERYTHING! Despite the humour and hilarity, there were some serious points made, such as always trying to find the truth about what is happening in the world, that climate change IS something to be concerned about, plus the streaming of children between science and the arts as mentioned before, rather than blending the two disciplines, the fact science should be and is accessible to everyone. But I do have to point out that in my personal experience, I have found some of the scientific community to be as elitist as their arts/humanities counterparts, having been *very* much subjected to that kind of prejudice from both areas in the past.

I had wanted to be a Marine Biologist as a child and teen, but feel I was written off the maths approach too early by bad teaching which basically shut off the sciences to me. At the time, unless *really* smart, the assumption was that the only science little girls should be studying was 'domestic science'. I have never been really able to catch up with maths since, except when I went into nursing, two years as an 'auxiliary' then on to my training qualifying three years later as a 'Registered General Nurse' back in 1984, where I relearned arithmetic and calculus to a limited degree. Then again many years later while studying for a DipHE in Health Studies. I did that so I could bring myself up to speed with student nurse education at the time and graduated happily from the University of Plymouth back in 2006.

A DipHE might not sound much to anyone who has studied for and obtained a degree, but for someone like me who was basically written off as being 'thick' or not worth the educational effort at aged 6 onwards, it means so much as I had to find and fight my own way educationally in to nursing (after several resits to get the required 5 'O' levels, grade C or above at the time. I wasn't going to give up!) and then on in to adult education afterwards throughout my career, eventually becoming a clinical teacher, workshop leader for stress management, an NHS basic life support trainer and NVQ level 3 assessor in my own right. I hope I have always been encouraging to my students because unlike our dear Ben, I didn't get the support I felt I needed during my formative years. I know the bitter blow to one's self esteem and enthusiasm that can happen, after being told to 'try harder' and 'must be more confident', yet there was little encouragement from those around me to do so.

That was to be my pathway to a BSc in Nursing too, but sadly events overtook me health wise, so I never got the chance to finish the BSc. Ben gave up his Post grad studies because he felt he would not be able to 'lead' in anything, only be a follower. I have to disagree but then I do know what it is like when you have to wake up to the fact that your first love and ambition may not be your last, so to speak. However, I still find it a little sad that Ben felt he could not stay the course and get his doctorate, for all of his success and wonderful talent as an entertainer since then.

Getting back to the RI. It was a wonderful event, even if half way through it, jumping out of my skin and being mortified at the loud clatter of my stick slipping through the front panels we were sat behind, and landing on the floor followed by a SD card falling out of my handbag at the same time, which nearly caused me to have a seizure with poor Claire beside me having to stifle her hysterics! Despite that, Ben finished the session by that wonderful experiment of adding potassium iodide to hydrogen peroxide and causing a fountain of foamy mess! There followed a brief Q&A session afterwards which brought the session to a close. Then came the long, loud appreciative applause, well deserved in my opinion! After which all departed in to the reception area to queue to buy a copy of 'It's Not Rocket Science' and for autographs.

Ben had remained in the lecture theatre to chat to those around him for a bit. Claire and I joined in quietly as I thought that would be a better moment to quickly hand over our booklet of Caribbean based recipes to him. But I don't proof read so well, and will apologise for the numerous typos, inconsistencies in the thing, and discovering to my horror an hour or so before the event, that not all the pages are fully secured in to the comb bind! Never mind. Ben was really surprised and very pleased with his gift. Claire and I were delighted but happened next I did NOT expect! I had turned away to make our exit, when a Ben Miller shaped arm shot around my shoulders and two kisses were planted in quick succession on my left cheek! Wow! That totally threw me in a lovely way! I'll never wash my left cheek ever again! :D

I had blurted out, "did you get a picture of that!" but but poor Claire had frozen to the spot! Needless to say we were both in shock. but very, very happy that Ben liked our recipe book. I did recommend Chapter Two, the one with the cocktail recipes, plus since then Ben has stated he would be taking the booklet with him on his return to Guadeloupe, so there *might* be a bit of a party going on, who knows? Eventually it was time to move, so we went out and joined a *very* long queue of nearly everyone who attended wanting to buy the book and to have Ben's autograph. Luckily for us, a separate queue was formed for those only needing autographs. Since Claire and I had bought our copies of INRS in advance we quickly changed lanes so to speak! I asked her to take one of the four books I had on me as three other people wanted copies signing. That way the spoils could be divided up so as not to hog the man too much.

Ben graciously received us, Claire went first and we got a lovely picture of the two together. Ben then received a pile of books from me to sign (He's a very patient man!) and we briefly chatted again. He asked if Claire and I had known each other before Twitter, which we hadn't. He was also impressed I think, I had traveled up from Penzance to see him. Normally I can get a train from there to London in under 5 hours, but the route has changed so it took ages the day before. I have done the journey so often, it doesn't seem that long, however as I said to him, it took longer to come up from Penzance the evening before than it has taken me to fly to New York from Heathrow on occasions! But what I SHOULD have also said (sorry Ben!) was to point out that he had traveled much further only 48 hours or so before from Guadeloupe, via France. So you have my admiration for that, Mr Miller.

After this, Claire and I floated out of the reception area, down to the bar for a drink and a chat before we went our separate ways. It was a fantastic day and well worth every inch and minute of the journey! I have now had the privilege to meet two wonderfully kind, patient and openly generous people, one of which I hope will become a lifelong friend and the other of whom I will always admire, and hope to see in person again one day.

Thank you Clare, and THANK YOU Ben!

For my #BensBabes,

Heather a.ka. @Braintumourlady. XXXXXXX


Ben being a 'proper job' scientist!

 Going through the book.


 Ben with his copy of my (somewhat hastily) produced 'D.I.P' themed
recipe book on behalf of the #BensBabes at Twitter.com


 My smile is much better than that! I was probably mumbling at
the time! Ben and misself after the talk.

With partner in crime and fellow #BensBabe, Claire. 
Lovely woman!

 *The Ritz Arts Community Centre Charitable Trust - It's an old 1936 art deco cimena which became a bingo hall until closed in 2005. Five of us have taken on the HUGE onerous task of cleaning up the place so it can be used as an arts and community centre and to be restored to its former glory, hopefully, as well. However, there is the slight matter of finding £300,000 to buy the bloody thing and then get a fund going for major structural restoration work! So if anyone out there who wants to help out.....*begs*!

Tuesday, 3 July 2012

Patience is a Virtue

Well, been to see the dok. Blood sugars are ok, but my CSR is up a bit (for those who do not speak medical - it's a way of checking for inflammation/infection).

Now to the important topic. Being shoved in to a proton linear particle accelerator for radiotherapy to my head. Two big things that are against it by now *IS* the fact that there will be side effects (yeah, got that bit) but these could lead to more permanent damage to my intellect and I think I'm brain damaged enough thank you. I have had some slight memory problems and my concentration levels are definitely down. But that could be a product of age, not sure.

There's still the opinion that my balance and dizziness is incidental to the tumour. I can't quite accept that but never mind. The 'RxTx' can only be applied once in most cases and there is definitely a case for leaving things to the last minute as there's no point causing damage before it is needed. So that does make a logical point.

I'm still ambivalent about it all, because I *don't* want to get worse, but if my balance issues are not all to do with Algy the tumour, I certainly would not want to make things worse by treatment which could leave me more damaged in the balance area, and as a result further reduce the quality of life that I do have. So I think God is telling me that the answer is to be patient and not try to put the donkey before the horse so to speak.

Which brings me on to another matter.

Work!

I have got a small NHS pension coming in that does cover most of the bills but with nowt left over for luxuries such as food etc. The small amount I have left from my lump sum has been supplementing this for a while and I have managed to get low rate disability in everything. But that will run out. My ESA is not being paid while they try to decide if I have got a magic 3rd income or not! Apparently they think I am still being paid sick pay from work. So for the nth time DWP!!  I.WAS.BLOODY.WELL.DISMISSED.ON.HEALTH.GROUNDS.BACK.IN.MARCH.2011!!!

I stated that ok, I might have to wait a few years for treatment, but in any event, it still means that I am basically unemployable, still have symptoms which will get worse over time no matter what in terms of treatment. I have a small pension, but only on the grounds I can no longer do my current job, but can apply for a higher rate if I am unable to work at all.. She started to tell me about the NHS bean counters who will have to study every penny put out in an already cash starved NHS. My response to that was that I have contributed full time to my NHS pension, can have a little bit more BUT need support from various clinicians if I apply for the higher level. I think that could at least get my butt out of the 'having to crawl to get any benefits' angle. But then I also sound like some lazy scrounger as well!

Given the fact I could wait years for treatment that will leave me affected in some way and that this will be in my later 50's, I have to accept no one in their right mind would employ me, ever! But there are still bills to pay, life to live and the prospect that at some point, an expensive 6 week treatment with possible long lasting side effects in a centre that at this time, is over 100 miles away with no accommodation thrown in!



So I guess it's time to start living life the best I can, while I can. 

Algy the Tumour will be growing for a while longer yet!